The Coolest Ice

i have nothing really in mind right now to write about. But i found myself unable to sleep and i finally turned my lights on - but to my dismay, i dunno what to do other than listening to the songs i really love that i have downloaded in my bearshare 2 months ago. i am a nocturnal type of person, so more like, i am active during the night time than during day time. i dont like chatting right now either, so as usual, i am invisible. nyahahaha!

...there is coffee, there is food in the fridge, i know there are friends who are still awake at this wee hours of the night but i just don't want to text or call them or send them private message. i just really cant figure out right now what do i have to do! Writing or i should say, updating this bloggie after almost two months of being not in the mood to write about my personal thoughts just came to my system again. i dont know if i am a better writer when i am inlove or melancholic. But i think, when i am happy and inlove, its just too hard to put on words about how i feel. So what about how i feel right now? Oh well, i must admit, i am inlove right now! OOpppppsss! Dont stop reading yet please! Eventhough i just said that i dont write a better blog when i am inlove, I am really trying very hard right now to better entertain your eyes and your brain to at least take something out from this or just to appreciate this one. Hahahaha! :) just give it a wild try though!

When i am inlove, i am becoming more and more norturnal! See, i am saying it again! (I hope i wont say that again later!). Well, maybe i am staying up all night when I am inlove because i am figuring things out if what will be the outcome of what i am feeling. Will it be beneficial? Will it destroy me? Or will it be rather better to keep it to myself and suffer...or the worst, be brave to admit it to the concerned and face rejection. On the other hand, i am also hopeful that everything wil turn out all right for me and everyone else soon without getting anyone hurt! I dont want to solicit for advices like for me to make the first move! Thats a BIG NO NO for me! I may be a big pack of guts, but i never have the guts in breaking the coolest ice ever when it comes to unrequitted feelings! If it is 'unsaid', i let it remain unsaid! So i guess, i am not so brave after all. tsk tsk tsk...

So what now? Yes, I AM INLOVE! That's big and bold! Okay? If you are interested enough to know, just text me or ask me in person who that guy is! I'd like to believe that he is lucky enough because i am not gonna ask for commitment nor a relationship! I still want to remain friends - pure friendship! Hahahaha! Thats a great defense mechanism of mine! hahahahaha :)) Oh well, I am saying pure friendship because i am just having reservations for myself coz i am aware that not every person we love can love us back the way we want, so i rather have to remain friends with no expectations of love or feelings! Just for me, having this bloggie right now for public to read is already enough - writing is my outlet! So someday, when my 'unrequited feelings' will come to pass, i can get back to this blog again and laugh myself out! Honestly, i am praying and wishing that my feeling would just go away like i will just have to take a shower and then its gone! But i know its never that easy! Sniffff... :(

To that one special guy, i have no idea if you ever pass by this blog or not! but this one goes for you...

i can't let you pass me by i just can't let you go,

and i know that i am much too shy to let you know,

afraid that i might say the wrong words and displease you

Or for love to fade before it can come true...

What the heck!!! Nyahahaha! So i am nocturnal huh? Shut me up! Shut me up! I am inlove, so thats more like it! I wonder when i can get to my normal sleep again...Sniff :(

Alas, i know for myself that the coolest ice of my life can never be broken all by myself...I NEED THE FORCE OF THE GUY WHO GOT THE AX! Winks... *** ^_^