MELANCHOLY ^_^

...there are just people who normally exist in this world who makes me feel really awful! THOUGH i know people like that really normally exist, i still find it odd that i am affected by their presence. its not AWE "ful" but AWFUL!!!

:(( right now, i just really want to cry my heart out and wallow in self pity but i dunno why my tear gland right now is so greedy to ever give me just a drop of tear. but i feel really really bad. hard to describe how i feel right now, but men! it really sucks! it leads me to this decisive moment. TO GET RID OF THE SOURCE OF MY PROBLEM! if you gonna ask me why is it a very quick decision, well, because i have also tried to fix it ASAP! but i think, i failed. so right now, i am left with no choice but to get rid of the source!

The photograph i attached is one that describes me best right now. my dulldrum status... :(( any hugs for me? :(( i feel blue!

Life is too short to feel angry and to wallow in feeling awful. it makes my vital signs goes abnormally high, and makes me feel that my chest is much heavier than my real weight. Oh boy! i really hate this! :(( i wanna cry! excuse me...snifffffffff! :(( huhu

LESSON: Life isn't a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed!

mushiness escapade : BF WANTED!

I consider myself to be a confident, smart, sweet, and very kind girlfriend and friend. I value honesty from my partner and goodness from the heart. I'm a very simple person but at the same time, I have style and presence. I love my family, my friends, and I would do anything in my power to make them all happy and be there for them always. I respect good values and effort.

I demand true genuine love, and the commitment that it takes while someone is with me. I'm still a child at heart like every boy and girl, but you can fail to bring out that "little girl" out of me if you are clumsy! Or maybe you just dont know how to handle me and take good care of me. Nyahahahaha! :)) I'm passionate and loving as a girlfriend. You have to learn that everyone needs his or her own space to continue growing as an individual. I believe that trust and open communication can prevent misunderstandings in a relationship and prevent pain (as what i have said), which I'm sure we all have experienced many times before and lately. I'm not looking for perfection, but instead I'm looking for DEVOTION. I'm ready to even give up everything for that one special guy, even my career. But i really dunno if he could give up things for me and the fun he currently enjoys which i know wouldnt last, but I'm ready to give him up anytime if i sense im bullied and abandoned in one little corner of his life. i want him to be strong for me and honest. and i want him to be that someone who will work hard for what he wants; someone that won't be scared to be reborn from the ashes and build a new and better life and build a love and dream with me; someone that doesn't run when CONFLICT appears at his door; i DESPERATELY want a MAN OF HIS WORDS, a child at heart, who will like to smile and laugh always with my company, play, live life to his fullest, to love and respect himself and me. He can do that by fixing his life and reorganizing it back again (if he thinks its broken :)) . He should be a strong and gentle man that I can be proud to call him my man, my companion, my friend, my lover, my husband, my partner in crime.

It's easy to find beauty, but it's hard to find true love. Learn to value what is inside of the box... I’m not saying the outside does not carry it's importance but question is: are we happy together? Of course, one without the other does not complete its purpose. I want a boyfriend THAT I CAN TALK TO WITHOUT WORDS, that I can let myself go and feel protected and cherished.

ANY COMMENTS & RECOMMENDATIONS? Nyahahaha! winks winks winks *****

Fairly Well...

God has been real good to me. Since my last post, and my scheduled on & off duties in and out from clinical life, things have been fairly well. Although my spiritual life has been abandoned, I have been able to cope with my emotional agressions somewhat decently. Maybe less or more on some points; it depends on the current of my mood. :))

My friends have been there throughout my fluctuations and holds me tender during those moments. When defeat proposes itself to me, they stand firm beside me. At times they want to rip their hair off because of the awful way I make them feel. Yet, weeks after weeks they continue to support me.

Stress has played a big part in my emotional fluctuations. The whole month of May was a time-off for me. Strangely, I really do enjoy being free from duties and some social responsibilites and not worry so much about my career. I have been making progress with my career slash hobby - blogging! Every project I accept is deliberate.

I have been trying to let go some hurts and pains from the past. But some, I just can't seem to drive out of my system... Fears that I cannot overcome... Disappointments I can't seem to erase. From time to time, it comes back to haunt my mind and at a fashion that leaves me broken than ever.

God's mercy has been the only sustainance I have. The hope that I have in Him gives me reason to continue and pursue this sometimes miserable life I have. Joy comes so swiftly and leaves as soon as it arrives. Mourning tends to pass slow like a tumble weed on a windless desert.

Oh well! I guess that's life. Deal with it or it will deal you out! As my 3 year old niece always says,"What the heck!" Nyahahahahahaaaaaa. I should just carry on. I just thought I should update this BLOGIE for those who still show interest in me (that's the drama part) and to help me release some thoughts.

Hope to receive some hugs from you my dear friend(s). And to you my knight in shining armor who continues to swift me off of my feet... I love you FOREVER.

My name is Lorena Joy. My jokes are normally corny! No one laughs at them at all except for me! My favorite word is "fantasy". I think the word twig is funny and I laughed for a long time before just looking at an art piece called "shaker" (it was a rocking chair!) :))

Relationships are very important to me. I hate fightings and misunserstandings so either I try to fix it ASAP or just eliminate the source of the problem without commiting murder.

i dearly love my pet dogs (hugs that make my day!), i love my friends (old and new), i love jellyace (weird?), i love everything that is good under the sun! Most of all, i love PINK, but i am starting to like violet! pretty cool!